It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my poor anus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
