bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
