oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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