Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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