Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
