so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
