I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
