I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
