Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
