I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
NoShamevember. You game?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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