my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's blow job season.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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