We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
