Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
