i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
