You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
