You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
