i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
