I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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