I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
