My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
