I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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