Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
