Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
