my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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