ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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