Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
