Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
