Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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