There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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