yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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