The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
