I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
