Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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