Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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