Non-Jews are for practice
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
