I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
