I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
