i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
