That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Say something about gay babies.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
