"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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