Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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