I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
