he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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