Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
