What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
