We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
