the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
