thus making me awesome and them whores
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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