He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
