I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
