watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
