Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
