i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
