Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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